I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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