OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
