I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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