He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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