Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost the right to judge tonight
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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