I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
No...this little piggys going to the bar
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
