have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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