its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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