I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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