i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
