ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
