you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
