ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
