I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Randomize
