I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
