i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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