the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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