and next time when you feel me up, do it right
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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