I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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