I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
