it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
we're making bets on your personal life
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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