it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
