If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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