I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
