is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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