You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Redeem this text for a blowjob
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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