Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i will never coherently bang her
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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