i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
