wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
