Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
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I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
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Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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