the condom got lost in my hair
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
