Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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