Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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