I'm drive I can fine osifer
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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