When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
