Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
