I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
