Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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