bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
