I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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