I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
