I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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