Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
