Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
