OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
