Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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