I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
