You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
