I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
