We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
