i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
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Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
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I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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