i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
