Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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