where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
