who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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