is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
