man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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