I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
