He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
