I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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