our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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