i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
