hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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