we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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