Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
