We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
A bitchslap is in order.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize