What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
