That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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