In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
