Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
