he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
