I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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