Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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