we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
