Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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